


Broken Wings

by PolPol_Stardust_Boi



Category: Sayonara Zetsubou-Sensei
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boyfriends, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Oneshot, References to Depression, Sad with a Happy Ending, Scars, Self-Harm, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Summer, Summer Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:47:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26210632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PolPol_Stardust_Boi/pseuds/PolPol_Stardust_Boi
Summary: Summer isn’t the best time of year for Nozomu. Only one thing seems to make his damaged soul happy anymore, and that’s Jun.During a warm evening together, Jun makes a discovery that changed an otherwise intimate moment. Angst and fluff follow.
Relationships: Itoshiki Nozomu/Kudou Jun
Kudos: 5





	Broken Wings

**Author's Note:**

> I’m back with yet another Sayonara Zetsubou-Sensei fan fic using my new boyxboy OTP, Nozomu x Jun. I just love writing these two and their dynamics so much. Getting into a new fandom is always fun, especially for pairings.
> 
> Warning! this fan fic contains heavy suicidal themes and talk of self-harm. If those things make you uncomfortable, I suggest you don’t read. For those who are fine with it, enjoy my gay babies!

They both sit there in late summer sun. The grass moving in steady motions against the light breeze. Those long viridescent blades, flowing adjacent of one another, as calming as lucid waves. There‘s something about the summer atmosphere. The movement of the humid air, billowing the grass and cherry-trees just outside the patio. Synchronised, their colourful hues so different, yet so alike. And while they dance about in that fashion, overlapped by the song of the cicadas and the chirps of birds. Like a prelude to an easing symphony, waiting to be warmed up by the gentle rays. 

Nozomu rests his head on his lovers lap. He lays his body on its back, hands clasped together upon the rhythmic rising and falling of his own chest. The rippling breeze and sounds of cicadas swallowing up his lounging figure. He can recall the shimmering summer days prior. The chambré humidity and the blistering sun. Nozomu has never been an eager connoisseur of the summers burning rays. And today, despite the peace it brings, is no exception. 

Nozomu looks up at the body he reclines upon. The other male, Jun Kudou, staring at the clouds above, absorbing the rays of sunshine into his perfect white skin. Nozomu wishes he could embrace the atmosphere like Jun. The boy had been so blessed to have the feeling of inner joy of anticipating this kind of weather. The kind of atmosphere one like him would unwind with, while getting tucked into a lengthy novel. Unlike Nozomu, the summer scene doesn’t cause Jun the inevitable feeling of despair. Nozomu simply can’t stand the heat, among other bothersome things. 

Perhaps, on Jun’s behalf, the biggest summer highlight is the break. Now, he’s able to spend more time with the one he holds dearest outside of those hectic school hours. He loves the combination of comfort and sunshine as much as anyone. Feeling the glowing luminescence upon his form, stroking Nozomu’s dark tresses. It has a homely feel, something of pure warmth. 

Nozomu let’s his mind wonder when summer will be over. Perhaps, as early as the next month or as late as the one after. Although, part of him is going to miss these lazy afternoons with his beloved student. 

After a while, he glances up toward Jun. “I don’t really like summer,” The teacher mutters “It’s too hot.” 

Jun tilts his head on an angle, stealing a quick glance of Nozomu’s recumbent frame. “Well, I think the weather is lovely,” He smiles “Perfect season for reading a good book outside on your porch, Sensei.” 

“That’s a lot like you, Kudou-kun,” Nozomu musters up a small grin “Your two favourite things in the world, me and reading.” 

At that comment, Jun runs his fingers through Nozomu’s raven fringe. The cicadas grow louder, their song permeating the air, as a single cloud rolls over from above. For a moment, it’s white form hides the shining rays, leaving the sun-warmed patio partially darkened. Nozomu sighs aloud at the relieving sensation. Amid the perfume of the summer blooms, he embraces a brief feeling of coolness. And for a second, his despairs feel almost nonexistent. Only one other aspect of life is able to do that. And that’s Jun. 

Nozomu has only attempted to rid himself of despair a few times over the course of the summer break. Each occasion coming and going with much trial and error. He can still sense the breathless tightness of the rope around his neck, and the uncountable pills cemented deep into his own oesophagus. Not to mention, the aches and pains upon his muscles and skin. 

There is no such thing as hope when the death and despair has claimed Nozomu’s soul. There is no sense of optimism for the days ahead. No joy when his eyes meet with the scintillating sunlight and glistening cherry-blossoms. Despair is despair. And Death is death. His flesh will eventually rot, the bones to follow, his hair dissolving into the soil below. The hair Jun loves to stroke. To Nozomu, life is not beautiful. Life is not one thing he cherishes. Yet, he still manages to find the time to dote for the one he loves. To him, Jun is the only thing worth cherishing in this burdensome world. 

“Hey, Sensei?” Comes a voice. 

“Yes, Kudou-kun?” 

Jun removes his hand from Nozomu’s hair. He wraps it around his teachers wrist, keep it there for a while. With the softest grip, he moves toward Nozomu’s own hand. He intertwines his fingers with the other males. Tender sun-kissed skin making gentle contact with one another. It’s as warming as the golden rays shining down from up above. In reply, Nozomu sits up, turning. The two stare into each others eyes for a moment. Glinting green venturing deep into the irises of chocolate brown. No more than a centimetre between their lips. 

Jun wraps an arm around Nozomu’s shoulders and pulls him closer. He gently caresses his teachers shoulder with the tips of his fingers. Despite the despair brewing immeasurably within Nozomu’s chest, it flutters at the feeling of another body pressed against his. He sinks deeply into the warmth of Juns front, breathing tenderly upon his lovers exposed neck. His touch makes the patio even warmer somehow. His outlook on the surrounding humid air becoming a little less bleak.

Jun slips a hand into the front of Nozomu’s kimono, feeling up the other males soft milky skin. He runs light circles across the teachers burning flesh with his fingertips. Nozomu’s chest and collarbone. So evocative, so inviting. Jun can’t resist the urge to give an affectionate simper. 

“K...Kudou-Kun...!” Nozomu protests, a squirm taking over his frame “I..I’m not in the mood for this k..kind of thing right now...besides, we’re outside...s..someone might see us.” 

Jun places another hand on Nozomu. He feels his waist and slowly slips off the Obi of his Kimono. Jun feels so infatuated that he fails to listen to his lovers stuttering complaints. In this beddable moment, all he longs to do is touch him. To delicately feel up his entreating edges and curves. Jun is not expecting to see anything harsh when he removes the piece of fabric. The boys gleaming smile quickly fades away, and Nozomu instantly becomes aware of what he has seen.

Nozomu desperately tries to cover himself with his sleeves, but Jun lurches forward and removes them on his own accord. 

Dozens of scars are harrowed into his body. Scattered in patches across the outer layers of his torso and upper thighs. Older ones. Newer ones. There’s even several minor lacerations that are fresh. Still swollen around the borders. Still crimson and bloody. The wounds resemble splashes of scarlet colourant against an unfinished cream canvas. Pouring out the shade of his demise. The trickling blood glistens with an evening summer sun-beam. Nozomu has been swallowed up by despair again. It’s claimed his soul, pleading for death and destruction, and is stealing him away from Jun’s grasp. 

“Sensei? Did you...?” Jun’s voice becomes shaken. Each and every word wobbles. He waits for an answer from Nozomu. But, he doesn’t need one. The student knows all too well what these are from and how they got there. 

Regardless, Nozomu can’t answer. He can’t breathe. And he can’t look away from the scars he had gouged into himself only an hour prior without Jun’s knowledge. Foreboding shame floods his form. The suns scorching rays seem a lot less warming than earlier. A cold rush of dark cloud circles above. 

Jun gently brushes a single finger across the lacerations, and then gradually trails it down the other males body. Minor shivers flood Nozomu’s form, as it passes his protruding ribs.

His finger swirls at the opening of Nozomu’s kimono. He urges remove the entire item of clothing. He desires to see more of the one he yearns for. Yet, he can’t get over that fact that Nozomu had so viciously carved a razor into his own flesh. His beautiful, once so white and so pure flesh. Brash, deep cuts. The only way he can wipe away the despair that dirties his very mind and soul. Nozomu thought that cutting himself to pieces would fix everything, physical pain to take over the mental pain. Even the suns beaming sparks, something that resembles true happiness, can’t bring Jun’s mood back up to where it once was. 

Nozomu lowers his hands and cups the boy cheeks. He tilts Jun’s head upright so the pair are examining each other’s eyes once more. Not a word escapes his mouth. Nozomu simply shows his lover a small smile. An expression urging the boy to resume his passionate duties. Right there, on the sunlit patio, surrounded by the viridescent waves and rosè laced petals. The summer warmth looming above them once again. This feeling of heat, both for the weather and for one another. 

“Please, Kudou-kun...” Nozomu hums “Please, help me forget about the despair...like you always do.” 

Jun nods. 

“You’ve never been a fan of summer, have you?” 

“Unless you’re with me.”


End file.
